I have this feeling that God is working on a lot of us in a way that is HARD because we haven’t had to endure these kind of working before. I know personally I haven’t had to because I’ve never been in one place long enough to have to endure workings on my character. A lot of the time I ask God to work ON me or expect Him to work FOR me but hate when He tries to work IN me.
Apparently a lot of people around me are going through the same thing and wondering why. I think right now God is stirring up this urgency in me: Keep running the race, keep enduring, if you run away–you’re going to have the same problems and issues deep within your heart waiting for you someday.
What does it take? It takes doing what God is telling you even if it doesn’t make sense or seem fun. It takes honoring the authority God has placed over you right now. It takes being honest with God, yourself and those around you.
That last part is the hardest for me I think. I’m noticing how extremely prideful I am and how I can really justify anything…and not tell anyone I struggle with anything. There have been things that God is bringing up lately that I’ve tried to ignore for a while, and He’s challenging me to be transparent with others about them. It’s funny, because since I work at a church and am in the leadership there I feel the need to be more private about my life for some reason…and I actually struggle more now than I ever did before I was employed there. I’m not getting wasted and bringing dudes home every night, but I have become super critical, spent less time listening to God, and not always shown others the love God wants to pour out through me–which is just as bad. Jesus’ two greatest commandments were to love Him, and to love people. In my favorite verse, John 17:23, Jesus prays for his disciples (and I consider myself a disciple of Jesus Christ) and says, “I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” I don’t feel I’m loving God or people enough to exemplify to anyone how much God loves me. To exemplify how Jesus died for me. For this I am repenting today, and being transparent about it. Being a prideful person, it takes me being open about the things I’m struggling with to be humbled and allow God to work on me. It breaks down my sinful nature: I am self absorbed and image obsessed…and my heart is desperately wicked.